KAYODE ADEBIYI (KAY LORD)
Marriage is a covenant shared between two souls, who tie the wedding knot after promising to be companions for a lifetime. It is the physical, mental and spiritual unison of two souls. It brings significant stability and substance to human relationships, which is otherwise incomplete. It plays a crucial role in transferring the culture and civilization from one generation to the other, so that the human race is prospered. The institution of marriage is beneficial to the society as a whole, because it is the foundation of the family, which in turn is the fundamental building block of the society and most importantly the Church.
I will submit at this juncture that marriage itself is a misery. I also want to declare that marriage is an institution that only God understands, and for us to make success of marriage here on earth we need to continually pray for His grace to see us through. No one has a monopoly or the “I know it all” knowledge about marriage. Moreover, no two marriages are the same. Every marriage has its peculiar characteristic therefore it is ignorance for anyone to want to pattern his/her marriage after that of any other person. Be that as it may, there are some basic biblical principles that is worthy of note for all Christians in order to build a godly marriage institution.
Before Genesis 3, biblical work ethics has been sounded by God. In Gen. 2, God created two institutions: (a) The Law – To teach one to live under authority and (b) Marriage – To teach one to live for someone other than himself. Ability to determine what is good and evil was by God, its God’s prerogative alone. He never delegated moral authority to man or any of His creatures. It is God who determines that it is not good for man to be alone. There was no indication in the Bible that Adam was dissatisfied with his circumstances (Gen2: 18-25). After making His evaluation, God proposes a solution by providing a “helper”. God was already his helper but a superior helper; the animals could not satisfy the position either because they were inferior helpers. The helper must then be one that will be equal to him. She’s to be “suitable” for him, that is, they must be spiritually compatible. In Hebrew “suitable” means – something that completes a polarity i.e north pole to South Pole. One without the other is incomplete.
Now this brings us to the question of “helper”. Who is a helper? A helper is the one that provides what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need; contribute strength or means to; cooperate effectively; to make easier or less difficult; facilitate, profitable to/in carrying out a task. In other words, there must be an ongoing task that would need the assistance of another person in order for the work to be accomplished. God already gave Adam the blueprint of his life and the work he was created to do. At the point the bible recorded in Gen 2: 18 that God realised it is not good for man to be alone (to carry out the work alone). There was need for a “helper” suitable for Adam to assist him to fulfil the purpose of God for his life. As earlier said above, that helper must be “suitable” for him because the destiny of Adam and the “helper” is intertwined. It is in helping Adam that Eve will derive her purpose and destiny. The NKJV says; “....a helper comparable to him”.
Therefore, if a man does not have a “work” at hand he is not qualified to seek for a “helper”. God planned that a woman would find fulfilment and accomplish purpose by being a helper of destiny to her man. A man must therefore first of all seek the face of God to know his purpose/work on earth before seeking to get a wife. A man that gets into marriage without knowing his purpose is endangering the life of the woman. It is a disaster waiting to happen and two destinies that are about to be truncated. Women should be spiritually alert not to fall into wrong hands in marriage. The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 was able to fulfil her God given destiny because she was able to be a “helper” to her husband. In verse 23 of Proverb 31, it was recorded that; “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land”- (in the Jewish tradition, the nobles, elders and the most important men in the society converge at the gates to deliberate and from there rule over a city).
This was a marriage perfected in purpose. The husband was distinguished among the elders at the gate; he’s not just one of the elders but a noted one for that matter because of the activities of the wife. I believe if the wife would also be described, she would be referred to as the wife of the “notable elder” at the gate. This is the hallmark of a godly marriage!
I hereby admonish both Christian men and women of marriageable age to be very spiritually alert when it comes to chosen a life partner. Marriage is part of fulfilling purpose, it’s not outside purpose and it’s not to be taken with levity as we now see in our society today. When marriage is contracted outside purpose there would be no fulfilment and there would be destiny diversion. Marriage has nothing to do with the flesh; care must therefore be taken not to base marriage on physical attraction and materialism but on spiritual compatibility. It is a lifetime commitment; you cannot separate yourself from it just like you cannot separate yourself from your bone. May we not miss purpose in Jesus name! Shalom!!!