FOR EVERY NEW LEVEL THERE IS A NEW DEVIL
Now that things are working well with you in virtually every area of your life, do you feel the need to pray more? After all, when situation was really bad, you have really prayed. Hmmmm...I can feel someone thinking aloud...'I really prayed in those days when things were so bad for me'. My question to you now is; do you still feel the urge to pray like that, now that most of the things that turned you into a 'prayer warrior' in the past have all been sorted and answered by God?
You need to understand that success brings with it greater opportunities for failure if you are not spiritually sensitive. Have you ever wondered why some folks you know to be a very strong praying person suddenly relax after success comes? Have you also tried to find out why all of a sudden everything starts to get worse again?
There was a story of a young man who went to see his Pastor and said, 'I was so tested and tried, things were so difficult before, I really prayed to God and am happy to inform you Pastor that my life generally has smoothed out. I am not been tempted hardly at all anymore'. The Pastor looked deeply alarmed-not the reaction the young man was expecting. 'That's about the worst thing I could have heard', the Pastor told the young man. He further told him, 'That shows you are no longer in warfare! The devil is not worried about you anymore.'
Folks, we are redeemed and commissioned for the front lines. That is why we are of the Davidic generation, the generation that takes the battle to the enemy. Believe it or not, everything you have today, physically, materially and all the successes acquired are all spoils of war!
For every level you attain in life, there is a new devil to contain and contend with. You can't allow success to take the best of you. The moment you achieve something remarkable in life is the moment to intensify in your prayer and spiritual life because the primary assignment of the devil is not to see your head lifted up.
This is a call NEVER to take your hand off the plough, there is a higher call placed upon you. Don't settle for better when there is a place called best! Why are you getting carried away with little success when God has a place called great reserved for you. Why is your prayer and spiritual life becoming lukewarm, why do you want the devil to deceive you with what you have now when God planned something better?
It is time to step up and come up higher!
Shalom!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
THE BLESSING....
As a Christian have you always wondered why you keep praying for money and material blessings and it seems God is not listening or answering your prayer?
You keep wondering; what am I going to do?
I need to pay rent….
I need to pay my children’s school fees...
I need to buy a car or change the old one am using….
In fact, I need to change my wardrobe…all my clothes are outdated….
When am I going to be able to afford to take my family on vacation abroad?
If you look at all the above, you will realize that everything is tied to monetary blessing and this is where we miss it as Christians. We’ve appropriated God’s blessing to monetary gains alone whereas there are a lot of issues in your life that God is dealing with but you are so spiritually blind that you cannot see it because it does not show in your bank balance…
Sometimes, God is dealing with foundational issues about your life, but you are busy praying for money. God will not give you money when you have serious foundational issue; rather God wants to clear the debris caused by years of sin, covenants and ancestral curses militating against your life. You can’t build something or nothing! If the foundational issues are not dealt with, the money you get will fritter away.
Likewise, God is doing some wonderful stuff concerning your health and that of your family but you can’t see it because you are so focused about praying for money. Let me ask you, when last did you visit the hospital concerning your personal health or that of your spouse and children? God is busy keeping you healthy first, yet you can’t see it. Have you ever wondered that there are people who have so much money but they are using it to pay hospital bills all over the world?
When food is placed in front of you, you swallow it within a twinkle of an hour. Do you know there are people who can only be fed liquid food through tubes in hospitals?
You drive your car like Michael Shumaccher, yet you have never experienced a car accident. In fact, there are instances you think you should have had an accident but God kept you, He is also protecting your family from dangers everyday…..you can’t see it because it is not money.
Our sense of value of things God is doing in our lives has been so distorted because of our inordinate ambition to acquire monetary blessing. Sometimes, God knows that if He blessed you with the kind of money you are praying for at a particular period of your life you will deny your faith in Him. Meanwhile, God is more interested in your soul and you making eternal life than all the money in the world.
Christians often quote this particular passage in the Bible to justify praying for money: “The blessing of the Lord brings wealth without painful toil to it” – Prov10:22. In some other versions instead of the word ‘brings’ it is substituted with ‘comes’. The BLESSING of the Lord is not money! The blessing of the Lord is a much greater thing than money, the only thing is that money comes along with it….you see; it’s like going somewhere for a purpose to do something specific, but you asked a friend to come along with you just for the fun of it. Money only tag along when God is bringing His BLESSING (note there is no‘s’ behind the blessing) to you.
There is more to your life than money, stop fretting, money will tag along eventually but meanwhile let God take you through the process of dealing with the most important issues in your life for now!
You have to keep thanking God for that which He is doing in your life NOW and ask that His will be done in your life. No matter how hard it looks believe me; he would make MANNA available for you to meet the present hunger pangs. Until the process is finished you can’t possess the land flowing with and honey.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” – Jer. 29:11.
Would you rather not key into His plan for your life rather than your own selfish plans?
Shalom!
As a Christian have you always wondered why you keep praying for money and material blessings and it seems God is not listening or answering your prayer?
You keep wondering; what am I going to do?
I need to pay rent….
I need to pay my children’s school fees...
I need to buy a car or change the old one am using….
In fact, I need to change my wardrobe…all my clothes are outdated….
When am I going to be able to afford to take my family on vacation abroad?
If you look at all the above, you will realize that everything is tied to monetary blessing and this is where we miss it as Christians. We’ve appropriated God’s blessing to monetary gains alone whereas there are a lot of issues in your life that God is dealing with but you are so spiritually blind that you cannot see it because it does not show in your bank balance…
Sometimes, God is dealing with foundational issues about your life, but you are busy praying for money. God will not give you money when you have serious foundational issue; rather God wants to clear the debris caused by years of sin, covenants and ancestral curses militating against your life. You can’t build something or nothing! If the foundational issues are not dealt with, the money you get will fritter away.
Likewise, God is doing some wonderful stuff concerning your health and that of your family but you can’t see it because you are so focused about praying for money. Let me ask you, when last did you visit the hospital concerning your personal health or that of your spouse and children? God is busy keeping you healthy first, yet you can’t see it. Have you ever wondered that there are people who have so much money but they are using it to pay hospital bills all over the world?
When food is placed in front of you, you swallow it within a twinkle of an hour. Do you know there are people who can only be fed liquid food through tubes in hospitals?
You drive your car like Michael Shumaccher, yet you have never experienced a car accident. In fact, there are instances you think you should have had an accident but God kept you, He is also protecting your family from dangers everyday…..you can’t see it because it is not money.
Our sense of value of things God is doing in our lives has been so distorted because of our inordinate ambition to acquire monetary blessing. Sometimes, God knows that if He blessed you with the kind of money you are praying for at a particular period of your life you will deny your faith in Him. Meanwhile, God is more interested in your soul and you making eternal life than all the money in the world.
Christians often quote this particular passage in the Bible to justify praying for money: “The blessing of the Lord brings wealth without painful toil to it” – Prov10:22. In some other versions instead of the word ‘brings’ it is substituted with ‘comes’. The BLESSING of the Lord is not money! The blessing of the Lord is a much greater thing than money, the only thing is that money comes along with it….you see; it’s like going somewhere for a purpose to do something specific, but you asked a friend to come along with you just for the fun of it. Money only tag along when God is bringing His BLESSING (note there is no‘s’ behind the blessing) to you.
There is more to your life than money, stop fretting, money will tag along eventually but meanwhile let God take you through the process of dealing with the most important issues in your life for now!
You have to keep thanking God for that which He is doing in your life NOW and ask that His will be done in your life. No matter how hard it looks believe me; he would make MANNA available for you to meet the present hunger pangs. Until the process is finished you can’t possess the land flowing with and honey.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” – Jer. 29:11.
Would you rather not key into His plan for your life rather than your own selfish plans?
Shalom!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
PART 2
HOW TO PROTECT YOUR FINANCES IN UNCERTAIN TIMES
1Timothy 6:6-19
The are four (4) categories of people in the world:
a) The Haves
b) The Have Nots
c) The Yet to Have
d) The Use to Have
Often, (a) and (b) can't sleep. "The Haves' because of their money and 'The Have Nots' because they have no money.
There are four ways to protect your finances:
(1) It is certain: It is common, it is normal and it is certain that you can't escape economic uncertainty. Uncertainty is certain! 1Tim 6:17 - Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not high-minded, not trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy.
⁃ No single investment works every time, therefore, diversify into other areas to make money. Diversification is for a man of faith and a man of faith is a man that can take a risk. Even, God took a risk by creating man. Profit will always flow back to you when you diversify - send your grains across many waters.
⁃ Expect changes and look for opportunities within and around you. Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty, don't be too rigid to make changes when and where it is necessary in the pursuant of your goal.
⁃ In spite of the uncertainties, correct principles work correctly every time.
⁃ Where can we get timeless wisdom to unlock, hold and fasten our life during financial crises? The Bible! Biblical perspective is always right, always relevant and it never changes.
⁃ Job is uncertain, wealth is uncertain, savings/retirement plan is uncertain. Only God is certain - 1Tim 6: 17b …but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy. Psalm 62:5 …yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him (NIV)
⁃ Financial institutions come and go but Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.
(2) The most important economic indicator is not what the experts tells you: As a christian do not be led by sense knowledge in taking economic decision but be led by the spirit of God.
⁃ You account and cheque book is the best indicator of the state of your economy. The in-flow, out-flow and the balance in your account is the clear indicator of your state of economic health.
(3) Economic crisis creates a climate of tension, anxiety and fear: Ecl 7:7- Surely oppression makes a wise man mad… In times like this, you are either a thermostat or a thermometer. It is called a thermostat or thermometer principle.
⁃ When the atmospheric condition is unbearable, a thermometer turns red in panic. That is, the condition is what determines the reaction level of a thermometer. When the condition is bearable, the thermometer is stable but when the condition is unbearable, it panics and turns red.
⁃ The thermostat controls the atmospheric condition, it is in control, it gauges and determines the condition. Now, the question is; which one are you? A themometer or a thermostat?
⁃ You panic when your finances is going red because you think God is not faithful - A thermometer christian.
⁃ Be a thermostat christian. Control the economic climate around you by using the four (4) principle enumerated in part 1 of this write up.
(4) Regardless of the financial forecast control your approach: You can always control your approach, your attitude and your response to whatever the experts are forecasting- Job 3:25-26 -For the thing I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me. I was not in safety, neither had I rest, neither was I quiet; yet trouble came.
⁃ Job was offering sacrifices unto God out of fear of what might happen. He was not doing it out of faith in God.
⁃ Sometimes, we work in fear thinking we are working in faith.
…to be continued
© Kayode Adebiyi (Kay Lord)
HOW TO PROTECT YOUR FINANCES IN UNCERTAIN TIMES
1Timothy 6:6-19
The are four (4) categories of people in the world:
a) The Haves
b) The Have Nots
c) The Yet to Have
d) The Use to Have
Often, (a) and (b) can't sleep. "The Haves' because of their money and 'The Have Nots' because they have no money.
There are four ways to protect your finances:
(1) It is certain: It is common, it is normal and it is certain that you can't escape economic uncertainty. Uncertainty is certain! 1Tim 6:17 - Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not high-minded, not trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy.
⁃ No single investment works every time, therefore, diversify into other areas to make money. Diversification is for a man of faith and a man of faith is a man that can take a risk. Even, God took a risk by creating man. Profit will always flow back to you when you diversify - send your grains across many waters.
⁃ Expect changes and look for opportunities within and around you. Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty, don't be too rigid to make changes when and where it is necessary in the pursuant of your goal.
⁃ In spite of the uncertainties, correct principles work correctly every time.
⁃ Where can we get timeless wisdom to unlock, hold and fasten our life during financial crises? The Bible! Biblical perspective is always right, always relevant and it never changes.
⁃ Job is uncertain, wealth is uncertain, savings/retirement plan is uncertain. Only God is certain - 1Tim 6: 17b …but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy. Psalm 62:5 …yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him (NIV)
⁃ Financial institutions come and go but Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.
(2) The most important economic indicator is not what the experts tells you: As a christian do not be led by sense knowledge in taking economic decision but be led by the spirit of God.
⁃ You account and cheque book is the best indicator of the state of your economy. The in-flow, out-flow and the balance in your account is the clear indicator of your state of economic health.
(3) Economic crisis creates a climate of tension, anxiety and fear: Ecl 7:7- Surely oppression makes a wise man mad… In times like this, you are either a thermostat or a thermometer. It is called a thermostat or thermometer principle.
⁃ When the atmospheric condition is unbearable, a thermometer turns red in panic. That is, the condition is what determines the reaction level of a thermometer. When the condition is bearable, the thermometer is stable but when the condition is unbearable, it panics and turns red.
⁃ The thermostat controls the atmospheric condition, it is in control, it gauges and determines the condition. Now, the question is; which one are you? A themometer or a thermostat?
⁃ You panic when your finances is going red because you think God is not faithful - A thermometer christian.
⁃ Be a thermostat christian. Control the economic climate around you by using the four (4) principle enumerated in part 1 of this write up.
(4) Regardless of the financial forecast control your approach: You can always control your approach, your attitude and your response to whatever the experts are forecasting- Job 3:25-26 -For the thing I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me. I was not in safety, neither had I rest, neither was I quiet; yet trouble came.
⁃ Job was offering sacrifices unto God out of fear of what might happen. He was not doing it out of faith in God.
⁃ Sometimes, we work in fear thinking we are working in faith.
…to be continued
© Kayode Adebiyi (Kay Lord)
COMMON SENSE FINANCIAL STRATEGY FOR GODLY LIFE
Gen 47:11-15,27, 1Tim 5:1-16 (vs.8)
Faith and fear don't work together.
Goshen was a country within a country (Egypt), how come there was abundance in Goshen and scarcity in the other part?
Your financial prosperity is not determined by the country you live in but in your faith in God.
HARD FACTS
• We live in an economically challenging times.
• Economic crises (famine) is not new - Heroes of faith survived in famine, likewise a man of faith will sail within the famine.
• In times of economic crisis, the strength of your strategy will determine weather you thrive, survive, float or sink - sometimes poverty could be self inflicted, therefore, you must listen to what the spirit is saying and not on your own expertise in economics and finance.
• You can't prevent the economic whirlwind from coming into your house to smash one or two windows. You can't control which direction the economic whirlwind will blow - you can build your own financial house to withstand the wind of economic crisis.
You must develop what is called, WISE FINANCIAL PRACTICES. That is, having a good leadership quality to drive your life/home. That is what guarantees your financial success.
There are four (4) basic principles for financial success but there are some truths about this four basic principles that I believe you must know.
TRUTHS ABOUT THE FOUR BASIC PRINCIPLES OF FINANCIAL SUCCESS
• They are so simple and can be overlooked.
• They work rather the economy is in boom or doom, inflation or deflation.
• Best time to apply this four (4) principles is before the economic crisis, but if you are already hit, the only way out is to apply this principles.
• It would also prevent future crises.
FOUR (4) BASIC PRINCIPLES FOR FINANCIAL SUCCESS
▪ Think long term with goals and investing:
What you do in times of economic boom will determine what you will do during economic crunch.
Set goals in writing for the future
Invest and plan for long terms and not short terms
Goal setting is a faith process.
▪ Our yearnings are usually more than our earnings:
Spend less than you earn (financial discipline).
Make a spending plan, that is, a budget.
Like you do a medical check up, like wise always do a financial check up - (a) what do I owe (b) what do I own (c) how much am I spending (d) how strong is my safety net (savings).
Develop spend control to avoid overspending
If you consistently spend less than you earn, you will do fine financially.
▪ Maintain liquidity and emergency saving:
A reserve set aside will help you ride the surprises life throw at you.
Savings will help to avoid debt
Spending less is better than earning more
Don't use your health to get your wealth by overworking so that you don't use your wealth to fix your health
Being frugal is the cornerstone of wealth building
▪ Minimise the use of debt:
Debt increases risk
It may allow you to have more now but it will not allow you to have more in the future.
Stop unneccessary 'aso ebi' purchases if it does not fit into your budget.
NOTE: The first thing Joseph did in order to salvage the intending doom of famine was to do a financial check up. Thereafter, he set goals and he had a plan. He built store houses to save during the boom period. In order words, he maintained a disciplined attitude by not utilising every of the resources of the boom period, rather he saved a percentage in the store houses that he built.
Have you taken time to wonder how come other people within the same nation were coming to Joseph during the famine for food? Everybody had a seven (7) years of abundance, how come Joseph had savings and others didn't have? Gen 47:15.
….to be continued
© Kayode Adebiyi (Kay Lord)
Gen 47:11-15,27, 1Tim 5:1-16 (vs.8)
Faith and fear don't work together.
Goshen was a country within a country (Egypt), how come there was abundance in Goshen and scarcity in the other part?
Your financial prosperity is not determined by the country you live in but in your faith in God.
HARD FACTS
• We live in an economically challenging times.
• Economic crises (famine) is not new - Heroes of faith survived in famine, likewise a man of faith will sail within the famine.
• In times of economic crisis, the strength of your strategy will determine weather you thrive, survive, float or sink - sometimes poverty could be self inflicted, therefore, you must listen to what the spirit is saying and not on your own expertise in economics and finance.
• You can't prevent the economic whirlwind from coming into your house to smash one or two windows. You can't control which direction the economic whirlwind will blow - you can build your own financial house to withstand the wind of economic crisis.
You must develop what is called, WISE FINANCIAL PRACTICES. That is, having a good leadership quality to drive your life/home. That is what guarantees your financial success.
There are four (4) basic principles for financial success but there are some truths about this four basic principles that I believe you must know.
TRUTHS ABOUT THE FOUR BASIC PRINCIPLES OF FINANCIAL SUCCESS
• They are so simple and can be overlooked.
• They work rather the economy is in boom or doom, inflation or deflation.
• Best time to apply this four (4) principles is before the economic crisis, but if you are already hit, the only way out is to apply this principles.
• It would also prevent future crises.
FOUR (4) BASIC PRINCIPLES FOR FINANCIAL SUCCESS
▪ Think long term with goals and investing:
What you do in times of economic boom will determine what you will do during economic crunch.
Set goals in writing for the future
Invest and plan for long terms and not short terms
Goal setting is a faith process.
▪ Our yearnings are usually more than our earnings:
Spend less than you earn (financial discipline).
Make a spending plan, that is, a budget.
Like you do a medical check up, like wise always do a financial check up - (a) what do I owe (b) what do I own (c) how much am I spending (d) how strong is my safety net (savings).
Develop spend control to avoid overspending
If you consistently spend less than you earn, you will do fine financially.
▪ Maintain liquidity and emergency saving:
A reserve set aside will help you ride the surprises life throw at you.
Savings will help to avoid debt
Spending less is better than earning more
Don't use your health to get your wealth by overworking so that you don't use your wealth to fix your health
Being frugal is the cornerstone of wealth building
▪ Minimise the use of debt:
Debt increases risk
It may allow you to have more now but it will not allow you to have more in the future.
Stop unneccessary 'aso ebi' purchases if it does not fit into your budget.
NOTE: The first thing Joseph did in order to salvage the intending doom of famine was to do a financial check up. Thereafter, he set goals and he had a plan. He built store houses to save during the boom period. In order words, he maintained a disciplined attitude by not utilising every of the resources of the boom period, rather he saved a percentage in the store houses that he built.
Have you taken time to wonder how come other people within the same nation were coming to Joseph during the famine for food? Everybody had a seven (7) years of abundance, how come Joseph had savings and others didn't have? Gen 47:15.
….to be continued
© Kayode Adebiyi (Kay Lord)
Thursday, April 11, 2013
What is it with BEST FRIENDS?
Hey folks, really can you be your spouse's best friend?
When a man or a woman is asked, who's your best friend?
It is very common to hear answers like; "my wife is my best friend" or
"my husband is my best friend".
Really, do you think it is normal and healthy
for any marriage? Personally, I have my reservations about this norm.
My wife is not my best friend, she can not fit that role! My wife is my wife,
I love her to bits, but she can not perform the responsibility of my best friend.
Before you go up in arms against me, please hear me out. I know some folks are
already squeezing their faces and rolling their eyes now……thinking….."what does he mean
my husband is not my best friend? Who else would be my best friend if not my husband?"
Let's cut the chase, the role of a best friend can not be juxtaposed with the role of a wife/husband.
This are two distinct role that can not meet, they are two parallel lines that should not meet. My wife is the apple of my eye, my love, my heartbeat and the receiver of my love and affection. A man and his wife and vice versa is in a covenanted relationship that is ordained by God. It is a special kind of relationship and it is unique and holy!
In as much as there is a special and unique bond between a man and a woman in marriage, to rely on your spouse as your 'best friend' is totally unrealistic. There will be some aspect of your spouse's life that you can not understand either from a male or female perspective. There are bound to be issues concerning your lives that you will need to discuss with someone else and not your spouse.
TD Jakes said and I quote; "venting every frustration on your spouse can lead to saying things that you will regret. Sometimes, even in the best of marriages, your frustration is with her/him, something he/she did, so how can you get objective counsel from her/him?"
You see, often times, a man needs to be able to talk about his frustrations to someone he's not emotionally attached or responsible for, someone he can dissipate his anger on without having to explain why he had to do that for the next 5 weeks. When you try too hard to make your marriage an 'all for one, one for all' idea, there is the tendency for you to loose your individuality.
To me, it is an anathema for a man or a woman/man to loose his/her hobbies or things of interest that he/she likes just because he/she wants to please his/her spouse. That is not healthy! Why should you drop your hobbies just because you are married to someone who does not find it interesting? There should be separate interest and needs that must be nurtured and enjoyed apart from each other if you want your marriage to stand the test of time. This is very common among women; just because your husband loves golf does not mean you have to follow him to the golf club or to learn how to play golf. I hear a lot of women say; 'you know he loves football, I have to develop interest also in watching football…what? Pleeeeeesssssseeeeeee
Folks, you have the ability to be fully and madly in love and still share different interests. It would be terrible if you allow your marriage to destroy your own personality. You have a life too, so live it to the fullest! "Marriage is meant to provide an opportunity for you to share who you are, and not destroy who you are" - TD Jakes
Believe it or not, a lot of marriages are dying from spending too much together….I know a lot of folks will question my assertion here…thinking….are couples not meant to spend most time together? I beg to disagree sir/ma, spending too much together is what is killing your marriage, it can be stifling!
Please, I beg of you, give your relationship a breathing space….spending time together is good but when you have to spend your waking up and sleeping together every moment of time, you are killing that relationship. Haba! You live together, work together, go to church together, play golf together, go out together, travel together, holiday together and sleep together and yet you wonder what is really wrong in your marriage? Please shine your eyes!
It is refreshing to get individual time if you want your marriage to last longer, you have to bring a balance into the picture. Please, ladies, there is nothing wrong in your man having a boys night together with his friends….it is healthy, stop reading meanings to every move of a man. Most importantly, when that night out with the boys is not to a strip club.
There is nothing wrong in taking occasional individual vacation, must you go together all the time? Ladies, be comfortable to cultivate other friendship that meet the needs he can not meet. Men, please go and play your golf or snooker alone, must she tag along? Let her have a life of her own.
Individual times keep relationship healthy…..go get yours!
© Kay Lord
Hey folks, really can you be your spouse's best friend?
When a man or a woman is asked, who's your best friend?
It is very common to hear answers like; "my wife is my best friend" or
"my husband is my best friend".
Really, do you think it is normal and healthy
for any marriage? Personally, I have my reservations about this norm.
My wife is not my best friend, she can not fit that role! My wife is my wife,
I love her to bits, but she can not perform the responsibility of my best friend.
Before you go up in arms against me, please hear me out. I know some folks are
already squeezing their faces and rolling their eyes now……thinking….."what does he mean
my husband is not my best friend? Who else would be my best friend if not my husband?"
Let's cut the chase, the role of a best friend can not be juxtaposed with the role of a wife/husband.
This are two distinct role that can not meet, they are two parallel lines that should not meet. My wife is the apple of my eye, my love, my heartbeat and the receiver of my love and affection. A man and his wife and vice versa is in a covenanted relationship that is ordained by God. It is a special kind of relationship and it is unique and holy!
In as much as there is a special and unique bond between a man and a woman in marriage, to rely on your spouse as your 'best friend' is totally unrealistic. There will be some aspect of your spouse's life that you can not understand either from a male or female perspective. There are bound to be issues concerning your lives that you will need to discuss with someone else and not your spouse.
TD Jakes said and I quote; "venting every frustration on your spouse can lead to saying things that you will regret. Sometimes, even in the best of marriages, your frustration is with her/him, something he/she did, so how can you get objective counsel from her/him?"
You see, often times, a man needs to be able to talk about his frustrations to someone he's not emotionally attached or responsible for, someone he can dissipate his anger on without having to explain why he had to do that for the next 5 weeks. When you try too hard to make your marriage an 'all for one, one for all' idea, there is the tendency for you to loose your individuality.
To me, it is an anathema for a man or a woman/man to loose his/her hobbies or things of interest that he/she likes just because he/she wants to please his/her spouse. That is not healthy! Why should you drop your hobbies just because you are married to someone who does not find it interesting? There should be separate interest and needs that must be nurtured and enjoyed apart from each other if you want your marriage to stand the test of time. This is very common among women; just because your husband loves golf does not mean you have to follow him to the golf club or to learn how to play golf. I hear a lot of women say; 'you know he loves football, I have to develop interest also in watching football…what? Pleeeeeesssssseeeeeee
Folks, you have the ability to be fully and madly in love and still share different interests. It would be terrible if you allow your marriage to destroy your own personality. You have a life too, so live it to the fullest! "Marriage is meant to provide an opportunity for you to share who you are, and not destroy who you are" - TD Jakes
Believe it or not, a lot of marriages are dying from spending too much together….I know a lot of folks will question my assertion here…thinking….are couples not meant to spend most time together? I beg to disagree sir/ma, spending too much together is what is killing your marriage, it can be stifling!
Please, I beg of you, give your relationship a breathing space….spending time together is good but when you have to spend your waking up and sleeping together every moment of time, you are killing that relationship. Haba! You live together, work together, go to church together, play golf together, go out together, travel together, holiday together and sleep together and yet you wonder what is really wrong in your marriage? Please shine your eyes!
It is refreshing to get individual time if you want your marriage to last longer, you have to bring a balance into the picture. Please, ladies, there is nothing wrong in your man having a boys night together with his friends….it is healthy, stop reading meanings to every move of a man. Most importantly, when that night out with the boys is not to a strip club.
There is nothing wrong in taking occasional individual vacation, must you go together all the time? Ladies, be comfortable to cultivate other friendship that meet the needs he can not meet. Men, please go and play your golf or snooker alone, must she tag along? Let her have a life of her own.
Individual times keep relationship healthy…..go get yours!
© Kay Lord
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